Marshmallows, Mindset and Kids.

We have a beautiful outside fire-pit at our home, and this winter we’ve had quite a few fires, BBQ’s and plenty of star-gazing. At every BBQ, all of our friends and family have come armed with a packet of marshmallows and a comment along the lines of "is your little one allowed these Stace?" My response is always the same…. “Of course!”This got me thinking, am I a bad mother for giving my almost 3 year old marshmallows?! I mean, I’m a Naturopath!!The thing is, I’m absolutely fine with it, because we keep “sometimes” foods in context. What I mean by that is we're not going to give our daughter marshmallows while we’re waiting in line at the post office because she’s bored, but we will have marshmallows around the campfire with friends when we’re creating happy memories. She’ll have cake at birthday parties, and cream biscuits at her Nana’s house, and I’m fine with that, because we always keep it in context.

Here are some other ways we approach food with our daughter (and son when he gets old enough to eat!)...

We avoid calling food ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Instead, like many other parents, we refer to treats as ‘sometimes’ foods and we certainly don’t make our little girl feel guilty for having these foods. In fact, we don’t really even talk about it! If she has some hot chips at the beach, or some cake at a party… that’s OK. The last thing I want is for her to associate food with guilt.We describe foods. For example, rather than talking about how she must eat the carrot on her plate because it’s ‘healthy’, we’ll say “Guinea pigs like carrots don’t they?!” and “These are super crunchy!” and “Carrots are orange like your socks!”. We make it fun and keep things light.We always give a choice. I’m not going to assume she would like cake because all the other kids are having it, she might prefer a bowl of fruit. The other day I made some chocolate cookies, and roasted some pumpkin. I offered her both and she chose the pumpkin. It’s truly surprising how often kids will choose a healthier option if they’re presented with it.Our little girl eats what we eat. We very rarely make her something different to what we're having. Until kids reach school, they're largely modeling their food-behaviours on their parents, so it's critical that kids see parents eating well (if they want their kids to do the same!).We’ll make foods at home, together. Recently my daughter saw a pink cupcake at a bakery and wanted one, so instead of buying it, we went home and made strawberry cupcakes together. It’s ALL about compromise!At meal times, we always sit together at the table, and eat together. I cherish this time. Rather than saying things like “Don’t make a mess, sit still and eat your dinner”, we say things like “Wow you must be so hungry after your big day”, and “thanks for helping us grow these tomatoes – they’re delicious!”. Mostly though, at meal times, we don’t even talk about what’s on our plate. Instead, we talk about all the interesting things that have happened that day, we tell (really bad) jokes and take our time.We value food culture and family traditions. A few Sundays a month, we have 'pasta night'. It's a family tradition from my husband's side. My husband and daughter mix it up, roll it out, make a mess, get the sauce on nice and early and have the house smelling great all day. Remember, food culture was around long before food science and is SO precious.We show our daughter where food comes from. We show her that eggs come from chickens, that carrots grow in the ground, that macadamia nuts grow on trees, that cheese is from goats and cows, and that pork chops are from a pig. We don’t give her a lecture about it, we simply show her where food comes from, which I HOPE will create a greater sense of gratitude.We don't make a big fuss when she eats something out of the ordinary. By saying "Oooo, what a treat, you've got an icecream!" we're really saying "Oooo, this is REALLY special and if you're good you'll get more!". Instead, we'll say "Icecream is cold isn't it, look it's melting!", or something along those lines. We want to simply describe it, not create associations between behaviour and food.We always offer praise for trying new foods. If our little one doesn't want to eat something we've dished up, that's absolutely fine, but we always ask her to try before she gives us a firm 'no'.Finally, we don't stress about "fussy" phases. It's completely normal for kids to go through phases with foods (one week they're loving eggs, the next they're repulsed by them!), it doesn't necessarily mean they're fussy, it often just indicates they're experimenting and expressing their right to choice (i.e. being independent!). Rather than getting frustrated, it's a good opportunity to ask questions like "What don't you like about it? The runny bits? The yellow bit? The way it makes you feel afterwards?". You won't always get a straight answer, but it's worth asking anyway.